


a lump in the throat

by whycraft (voidfoxstarlight)



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: Communication, Developing Friendships, Friendship, Gen, Inspired by Fanart, Poetry, Title from a quote
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-07-28 09:09:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20061538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voidfoxstarlight/pseuds/whycraft
Summary: Core concept: what if Evil Xisuma and Joehills were friends and wrote poetry togetherA poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong, a homesickness, a lovesickness. - Robert Frost





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by [this fanart](https://ceaderblocks.tumblr.com/post/186403135810/evil-x-havin-a-day-off-as-requested-by)!
> 
> Shout-out to TheStupidTrooper for being my beta reader!

Lava hissed and bubbled on either side of the bridge, drowning out the echo of Ex’s boots on the netherrack. His footsteps and poetry often shared a rhythm, but whether he matched his poems to his footsteps or his footsteps to his poetry, he couldn’t say. Today, though, he had neither rhythm nor poetry.

“Stupid Xisuma,” he muttered to himself. “Stupid Xisuma and his stupid Nether hub. Is he going to ban me from the Nether, too, then? Where the hell am I supposed to go next? The End?”

Still fuming, he entered the main part of his Nether fortress. The wither skeletons he passed on the way ignored him just as completely as he ignored them. He tossed his shulker boxes haphazardly against the wall and flopped down on the wool pile that served as his makeshift bed.

The moment his head touched the wool, he heard fireworks outside - the telltale sound of a hermit approaching. Probably Xisuma.

Resisting the urge to scream his frustration to the entire Nether, Ex got up and stalked over to the entrance to his Nether fortress.

“Xisuma, if you’re here about that godforsaken Nether hub -”

“In fact, I am not Xisumavoid. Unless he somehow managed to place his consciousness in my body without me noticing, in which case I wouldn’t know I was actually Xisuma.”

The fact that his unwelcome visitor wasn’t Xisuma was enough to surprise Ex, but the fact that it was Joehills was enough to shut him up. He’d never actually spoken to Joe before, much less had a visit from him.

“What do you want?” he asked, wary surprise making his tone even brusquer than usual.

Joe held out a piece of paper. "I believe this is yours, although I may be incorrect."

Ex recognized the paper instantly - it was a page from his poetry book. He snatched it out of Joe's hand. "How did you get this?"

"It was on the floor of the Nether hub."

Ex narrowed his eyes. "How'd you know it was mine?"

"Xisuma told me you'd been in the Nether hub recently, and I didn't recognize the handwriting, so I made an educated guess."

In his rush to leave the Nether hub, Ex must have failed to notice that the page had come loose from it's bindings. His poetry book desperately needed to be rebound, but slime and leather were hard to come by in the Nether.

"Thanks," he said gruffly. "Bye."

"Is it time to say goodbye already? Are we not going to exchange pleasantries that elevate our souls like a pleasant breeze?"

Ex scowled. "I don't _ do _ pleasantries."

Joe nodded thoughtfully. "It seems the breeze today is pushing us apart, but perhaps another day we'll have a chance at a brand new start."

He climbed up on the wall of the bridge and smiled back at Ex over his shoulder. "Bye!" He jumped off the bridge and activated his elytra.

Something small and white fluttered out of his pocket as he soared away.

"Hey!" shouted Ex. "You dropped something!" But Joe was already too far away to hear him.

Grumbling to himself, Ex climbed over the bridge wall and activated his own elytra. He drifted in lazy circles down to the ground where the white thing had landed.

It turned out to be a piece of paper. The bottom third of it was singed from where it had landed on magma blocks.

At first, he thought it was another page from his poetry book, but as he read the poem written on it, he realized that was absolutely not the case. For one thing, it rhymed; for another, Joehills' name was written in the top right corner.

_Left behind as an accidental gift_  
_ And a clear sign of something gone amiss._  
_ A speck of white against a sea of red:_  
_ A secret poem left for dead._  
_ But it was the start to something_

Here, the page had begun to burn away. He couldn't tell what came after the charred remains.

Had it been anything else, Ex probably would have tossed it straight into the lava or his storage room, but… well, he wanted to know how the poem ended.

The only problem was figuring out how to get to Joe. It wasn’t like Ex could just pay him a visit in the Overworld. There was a chance that he’d be able to catch him passing through the Nether hub, but he was more likely to run into Xisuma there than anyone else. He could also just shoot him a message asking him if they could meet at Ex’s Nether fortress, but that would draw Xisuma’s attention faster than he could say “suspicious.”

He sighed and folded the paper into a little square. As much as he wanted to know how the poem ended, dealing with Xisuma wasn’t worth the trouble.

He ended up sitting the poem on his desk. He read it several times over the next few days, folding and unfolding it over and over.

It was a good thing he hadn’t decided to throw it away, because a few days after Joe’s visit, he remembered that there was a way to send one-on-one messages on the communicators. He felt a bit silly for not remembering it earlier, but he’d never had a reason to use that function before, so he gave himself a pass.

_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: Can you come by my Nether fortress some time? You forgot something here.] _

_ [joehillssays whispered to Evil_Xisuma: Is it okay if I come over right now?] _

_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: Yeah sure.] _

Ex wasn’t the greatest at time perception, what with living in the Nether and all, but he was sure it couldn’t have been more than a few minutes before Joe appeared outside the main part of the Nether fortress.

“Howdy, Evil X.”

“It’s just Ex. Don’t call me evil.”

“Sorry. That was rude of me.” He pushed his glasses up. “What did I forget?”

Ex handed him the poem. “It landed on magma, so the bottom of it is gone.”

“Oh!” Joe took the poem. “So  _ that’s  _ where it went. Thank you, Ex, I’ve been looking for this.”

Ex shifted his weight to his other foot and cleared his throat. “How does the rest of the poem go? The bit that got burned away.”

“Oh, well, I don’t actually remember.”

“What?”

“I don’t usually remember my poems after I make them up,” Joe explained. “And I don’t like to rewrite them, so I guess this poem will be a mystery forever.”

A very irrational anger swelled up inside Ex. He’d spent so much time stressing over how to contact Joe and learn the ending of the poem, and it turned out that Joe himself didn’t even know?

“Hey,” said Joe suddenly, “I’ve got a great idea! How about you write a new ending for the poem?”

“How abou- ex _ cuse _ me?”

“You should write a new ending for the poem,” Joe said. “You write poetry, don’t you? I read the poem I returned to you; it was very good. Go on, give it a try.”

“I - you - I can’t just make up a poem on the spot!” Ex spluttered. “Poems take planning, and - and editing - and I don’t write rhyming poems, anyhow.”

Joe shrugged. “Don’t make it rhyme, then. I guess I’ll give you a few days to plan and edit. I don’t know how that stuff works. I don’t do it, myself. Bye, Ex! See you in a few days!”

“Wait!”

But he jumped over the bridge wall and flew away, leaving Ex standing alone in his Nether fortress, feeling rather like he’d been - somehow - bamboozled.


	2. Chapter 2

This time, Ex  _ did  _ throw the poem into the lava. It was a decision born of impulsive anger, but he didn’t regret it. Nope. Not at all.

“I don’t regret it,” he told himself, but it came out weak and unconvincing.

It didn’t help when Joe started messaging him about it.

_ [joehillssays whispered to Evil_Xisuma: How’s the poem going? :D] _

Ex glared at his communicator and shoved it back in his pocket. Smiley faces? What was he, twelve?

Ex never answered any of his messages, but Joe never stopped sending them, either. It just became part of his routine. Wake up, patrol the fortress, message from Joe, AFK at his farms.

_ [joehillssays whispered to Evil_Xisuma: Did you decide whether to rhyme or not?] _

_ [joehillssays whispered to Evil_Xisuma: What’s your process for editing?] _

_ [joehillssays whispered to Evil_Xisuma: I bet the poem is going to be great!] _

He had to admit, it wasn’t completely terrible. If nothing else, it was a reminder that he wasn’t the only player in this world. It was a bit frustrating, though, in that it meant he couldn’t stop thinking about the poem. The words were burned into his head as much as they had been burned up in lava.

_ Left behind as an accidental gift _  
_ And a clear sign of something gone amiss. _  
_ A speck of white against a sea of red: _  
_ A secret poem left for dead. _  
_ But it was the start to something _

He was just going to have to write the damn thing, wasn’t he? Ex sighed and abandoned the shulker box he had been half-heartedly trying to organized and pulled out his poetry book and his quill.

The start to something - what, exactly? Where did he want to take this story?

_ Tragic and -  _ “No, tragic starts with a stressed syllable,” he muttered to himself, scratching it out. “Mysterious - no, that’s got two unstressed syllables one after another…”

He wrote for what seemed like hours, agonizing over syllables and iambs and rhythms, but in the end, he had nothing to show for it. Nothing fit, nothing worked, nothing flowed. If he hadn’t been wearing his helmet, he would have been tearing his own hair out.

His communicator beeped. It was Joe, of course.

_ [joehillssays whispered to Evil_Xisuma: Are you having fun finishing the poem? :D] _

Scowling, Ex typed his first reply.  _ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: no it sucks i hate your stupid poem] _

Surprisingly, Joe responded.  _ [joehillssays whispered to Evil_Xisuma: Want me to come over?] _

Ex rolled his eyes.  _ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: I don't care what you do.] _

He got no reply this time. “Probably figured it’s not worth his time,” Ex told himself, putting his book and quill away. He needed a break from writing.

He opened the shulker box and continued organizing it. To be honest, he wasn’t organizing it as much as inventorying it. He needed to know if it was worth it to make a storage room or whether he should just keep carrying everything around in his Ender chest. At the moment, he was leaning towards the “carrying everything around in his Ender chest” option, but was considering making better storage units for just his farms.

Rockets sounded outside the fortress walls. Ex perked his head up to look out the window. To his surprise, it was Joe.

Ex went out to the bridge to meet him. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Joe shrugged. “You seemed frustrated.”

“Yeah? And?”

“I’m here to help!”

“I don’t want your help to write the poem. What’s even the point of me finishing it if you’re just going to write it for me?”

“Now, I may not know for certain, but I’ve got a feeling that what’s going to help you more than anything is a break. I’m here to help you unwind.”

Ex’s eyebrows climbed higher and higher with every word that Joe spoke. “ _ Unwind _ ? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’re in the Nether. Not really any opportunities to “unwind” down here.”

“We hang out at my base,” Joe suggested. “Or we could go play golf at the country club.”

Ex snorted, but Joe frowned. “What?”

“I can’t leave the Nether, idiot.”

“Why not?”

Ex’s lip curled. “Xisuma banned me, remember?”

“I thought he unbanned you? You wouldn’t be able to exist in this world if you were banned.”

“Maybe that’s how it usually works, but not for me. I know. I’ve tried going through Nether portals. It doesn’t work.”

“Huh.” Joe tapped his chin, thinking. “That puts a damper on our plans, but not to worry. We’ll find something fun to do; we’re in no hurry.”

“You work on that,” said Ex. “I’m going to keep doing what I was doing before you showed up.”

“What were you doing?”

“Organizing my shulker boxes.”

“Want some help?”

“If you want to spend your day - or night, or whatever it is - organizing my shulker boxes, I’m not going to argue.”

Joe was surprisingly easy to work with. Ex had thought his steady stream of chatter would become irritating, but it was actually rather pleasant. Joe talked about everything and anything, mostly in rhymes. He mentioned how if he had his abacus, inventorying supplies would be much easier. Despite the lack of abacus, they finished quite quickly.

For some reason, Ex was disappointed that they had finished so fast. He dilly-dallied for a few minutes, improvising mundane tasks that needed to be completed before they could deem the overall task of inventory “finished.”

Finally, Joe said, “This has been fun, right?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

Joe beamed. “See? I told you we’d be able to find something fun to do in the Nether!” He equipped his elytra and readied his fireworks. “I’m a little busy for the next few days, but I’ll try to visit again soon.

Ex blinked. “What?”

“Only if you want me too, of course.”

“No, I - yes, I mean, but - why?”

It was Joe’s turn to be puzzled. “Why? Well, I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I never visited.”

“Of course,” Ex said, pretending like he hadn’t just be smacked in the face by that sentence. “See you then, I suppose.”

Joe smiled at him. “See you then!”


	3. Chapter 3

Joe continued to send messages after that, but he didn’t visit - except for the one time when he did. It was nearly a week after his last visit, and was prefaced by a message actually asking if could come over.

Ex had shot back a quick _ [sure, why not] _ and waited by the entrance of his fortress. He heard Joe’s rockets before he saw them. Ex didn’t use his own elytra much, so he was coming to associate the sound of rockets with Joe.

Joe’s smile was even wider than normal. “I hope you’re feeling adventurous today, because I;ve got something to take your breath away.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

“Follow me, I’ll lead the way!”

Ex equipped his elytra and did his best to keep up with Joe, who, for all his excitement, did not fly like a man on a mission. He flew in weird lazy circles, gliding more than flying. It was because of this strange flight path that it took Ex so long to realize they were flying towards the Nether hub.

He alighted on an outcropping of netherrack and shouted, “Joe, hang on.”

Joe landed on the outcrop. “What seems to be the problem?”

“I can’t go to the Nether hub, Xisuma’ll freak out.”

“Xisuma’s AFK at the moment, he’ll never know.” He jumped off the outcrop.

“Wait!”

But it was clear that Joe did not intend on waiting. Grumbling, Ex followed him.

Being in the Nether hub was weird. No, the being there wasn’t weird - he went to the Nether hub from time to time to look for spare shulker boxes and things. It was the being there with _ someone else _that was weird. That was definitely new.

Joe pointed at the nearest portal. “This portal here will take us to my base.”

Ex stared at him. “Uh, I can’t leave. Remember?”

“I do remember, but I think you should try.”

“I _ have _tried. It didn’t work and it hurt.”

“It’ll be different this time.” Ex’s adamancy must have shown on his face, because Joe’s voice went soft. “Trust me on this.”

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” muttered Ex. “Fine, whatever. You go first, though.”

Joe’s face brightened. “Great!” He walked backwards into the portal and waved at Ex as he teleported away.

Ex closed his eyes and walked into the portal, muscles tensing and preparing for the pain that came from trying to go to the Overworld. Instead of pain, though, came the familiar sensation of being launched into another dimension like a bullet from its chamber. He stumbled out of the portal and sunlight shone on his face.

His eyes went wide. The entire world was hazy and red from his helmet, but it was unmistakably the Overworld.

He fell to his knees on the soft green grass. With trembling hands, he removed his helmet. His skin was damp and from the heat of the Nether. A breeze ruffled his hair, which was matted against his head, sweaty and unkempt. 

“What -” he croaked. “_How _ -”

Joe’s smiling face came into view in front of him. “A magician never reveals his secrets.”

“No, seriously, _ how_? This - this shouldn’t be possible.”

“Well, the server’s been experiencing some glitches, so Xisuma’s been leaving his command screens up…”

“You _ hacked Xisuma’s command screens_?”

Joe shrugged. “There is no proof to suggest that didn’t I use his command screens for the purposes of unbanning you, but there’s also no proof to suggest that I did.”

“Except for the fact that I’m _ here_.” Ex clutched his helmet. “If Xisuma finds out -”

“Fear not, my apprehensive friend. Check the tab list and put your anxiety to an end.”

Ex pressed the tab button on his communicator and the list of hermits popped up. Xisuma’s name was greyed out.

“As long as Xisuma is AFK, you don’t have to worry.”

“But what about everyone else? If they see me, they’ll tell him.”

Joe waved away his concern. “No one ever comes to my base except for Cleo, and she would listen to what we have to say before making any snap judgements.”

Ex got to his feet and looked around warily. “I hope you know that my life is in your hands right now.”

“I’ll guard it like it’s my own,” said Joe. “More carefully, even. I tend to die in silly ways a lot. Anyway, wanna come inside?”

It turned out that Joe’s house was not actually a house, and was, in fact, a hermitage. Ex didn’t know what that was, but Joe was happy to explain. He gave him a quick tour of the place. He seemed to take great pride in a few paintings hanging around. Although they didn’t look like anything particularly special, Ex nodded politely and said they looked nice.

“Do you want a comb or something for your hair, by the way?” Joe asked when he noticed Ex trying to fix it into some kind of style.

“Yes, please,” said Ex, a little desperately.

Joe returned with a hair brush and a bucket of water a few minutes later. “Sit down, it’ll be easier for me to brush it for you.”

Ex sat cross-legged in front of Joe, shoulders back and stiff as a board.

Joe dipped the brush in water and began working on a section of hair. “Supposedly, getting the hair wet is supposed to make it easier to brush. I don’t actually _ know _, though, because I don’t have to brush my hair often.”

“I wouldn’t know. I couldn’t brush my hair if I wanted to.”

“Why not?”

Ex resisted the urge to throw an incredulous look over his shoulder. “Have you ever tried to stay in the Nether for an extended period of time? The air is so toxic that you’d die without a helmet. Have you ever tried to brush your hair inside a helmet?”

Joe stopped brushing. “You couldn’t breathe?”

“No, I could breathe. I had my helmet.”

Joe opened his mouth like he was going to say something, then closed it and kept brushing.

Ex had the distinct feeling that something had just happened, but he wasn’t sure what. He changed the subject. “How do you come up with poetry just off the top of your head?”

Joe shrugged. “I just let the words run through me. I am like an outlet for words to be set free, like a symphony of thoughts ready to be spilled.”

“I wish I could do that.”

“Everybody’s different. How do you write your poetry?”

“In iambic pentameter.”

“Now, see, that would be difficult for me, because I’m not used to countin’ out syllables and stuff like that. But that’s part of what makes you who you are. Poetry is a deeply personal thing, and good poetry should reflect who you are.”

Before Ex knew it, Joe was finished untangling his hair and the sun had nearly set. Ex tied his hair back into a ponytail and dallied outside the portal for as long as he could.

“I…” Ex cleared his throat and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Thank you. So much.”

Joe’s smile was soft. “You’re welcome.”

“I mean it,” Ex said fiercely, “more than I can say. I -” He stopped abruptly. How did one express gratitude? Through hugs? That seemed excessive. Handshakes? Far too formal.

Fortunately, Joe seemed to sense his dilemma. He reached out and clasped Ex’s right hand in his own for a moment; not quite a handshake, but more of a reassuring gesture to show understanding. Ex squeezed back, then let go.

Ex closed his eyes and put his helmet wrong. After hours of being in the Overworld, the red haze seemed so wrong, so unnatural.

He put one foot in the portal and looked back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow!” said Joe, smile as wide as ever.

Ex smiled and walked into the portal.


	4. Chapter 4

Ex spent the next day at Joe’s hermitage. He mostly stopped being skittish when it finally started to sink in that this was real. At first he’d remained apprehensive of Xisuma finding him out, but it turned out that when Xisuma built new farms, he did not joke around with the AFKing.

“I could never go AFK for that long,” said Ex. “I would be so bored.”

“Xisuma’s been working super hard lately,” said Joe. “Lots of chunk errors lately. He needs the rest.”

As Ex was getting ready to leave, Joe stopped him and asked him a question.

“Would you be okay with meeting Cleo the next time you come over?”

A month ago, his answer would have been a solid  _ no _ . But Joe had never done anything to put him in danger as long as they’d known each other. And Cleo and Joe were close friends, and Cleo was likely to listen to Joe. But…

“I don’t know. I…” He looked down. “I’ll have to think about it.”

“That’s okay. I don’t want to pressure you.”

By the end of the next day, he made up his mind and messaged Joe.  _ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: Is it okay if I hold off on meeting Cleo for a few days?] _

_ [joehillssays whispered to Evil_Xisuma: Of course!] _

_ [joehillssays whispered to Evil_Xisuma: Whatever makes you comfortable.] _

He visited twice more before he asked if he could meet Cleo. As anxious as he was, it was worth it just to see Joe’s face light up.

“Yeah! Does tomorrow work? Xisuma’s going to be doing admin stuff in Hermitville all day.”

“Do you really think I have anything else going on?”

Joe inclined his head slightly. “Fair point.”

The next morning, he waited by the portal for Joe to tell him the coast was clear. He had his own portal at his fortress now, so he didn’t have to risk going through the often-busy Nether hub.

Joe arrived and he explained that Cleo was going to meet them at the hermitage. “I let her know you’re coming. She’s a little suspicious, but I’m sure everything will be fine once she gets to know you.”

Cleo was waiting outside the hermitage with her arms crossed. She was almost the same height as him, which was intimidating by itself - TFC, Doc, and Mumbo were the only other hermits who came close to Ex and Xisuma in height. She carried no weapon, but her expression was guarded.

“Howdy, Cleo!”

“Howdy, Joe.” She turned her gaze on Ex. “Hi.”

Ex shifted uncomfortably. “Hi.”

“I’m going to go get some food so we can go on a picnic,” said Joe, breezing past the two of them. “I’ll be back in a few minutes!”

Ex eyed Joe’s retreating back with a mixture of murder and desperation. Had he seriously just left him alone with Cleo?

Cleo seemed to be having the same thoughts. She cleared her throat. “So.”

“So?”

“Joe trusts you.”

“I guess so. I hope so.”

“Why?”

Ex shrugged, unconsciously hunching in on himself. “I don’t know.”

Cleo’s mouth twisted - he clearly hadn’t given a satisfactory answer. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Um. I can’t promise that I’ll answer it, but you can ask.”

“Why did Xisuma ban you?”

Ex closed his eyes. “I don’t know.”

Cleo raised her eyebrows. “You don’t know.”

Ex cringed. “Listen, I know that sounds like I’m hiding something or - or I’m not being honest, but it’s the truth.”

“Elaborate.”

Elaborate? What was there to elaborate? “Umm. I wasn’t doing anything, really. I was in the fields by the movie studios and he banned me.”

“What were you doing by the movie studios?”

“Nothing, okay? I was picking flowers to get dye because I wanted to make a banner to put on my shield. I don’t know why Xisuma banned me. I thought we were on good terms since the end of season five. He hasn’t told me and I haven’t asked him, alright?” He ignored the hot sting of tears threatening to spill out at the corners of his eyes and crossed his arms.

Cleo’s gaze softened and she uncrossed her arms. “Why haven’t you talked to him?”

“Would you want to talk to the person who banned you?” It wasn’t like Xisuma was jumping at the bit to have a chat over tea with him.

“Okay. Fair enough. I’ll hold on passing judgement for now.” She stepped forward and held out her hand. “Truce?”

Ex shook it gratefully. “Truce.”

Conveniently (a little  _ too  _ conveniently, if you asked Ex), Joe came out of the hermitage with a shulker box in hand. “I’ve got the food!”

They had a lovely little picnic on top of the mountain next to the hermitage, and Joe and Cleo filled him in on all the goings-on of the Overworld. There were a few world glitches going on in Hermitville, which was why Xisuma was spending so much time there lately. Joe was planning to add some tide pools around the hermitage. Ren had bought a storage locker at Mumbo’s Storage Wars and been supremely disappointed when it just turned out to be redstone.

Before long, they’d eaten all the food and the sun was setting. 

Joe clapped his hands. “We should do this again sometime.”

“How about next week?” Cleo suggested.

“Sounds good to me,” said Joe. 

“I’m up for it.”

“Cool. Maybe we can make a party of it, do some stargazing or something.”

Ex hadn’t seen the stars in ages. “That would be nice.”

“Sounds like a plan,” said Joe. “We’ll have to find a day when Xisuma’s occupied. We can figure out the details later.”

They shook out the picnic blanket and packed up the shulker box. Ex lingered behind a little bit and waited for Cleo while Joe went ahead.

“I just want to say thank you,” he said quietly, “for giving me a chance.”

“You should thank Joe,” she said. “He’s the one who convinced me to give it a go.” She tilted her head. “He really trusts you, y’know. Don’t give him a reason not to.”

“I won’t.”


	5. Chapter 5

_ [joehillssays whispered to Evil_Xisuma and ZombieCleo: Sorry it’s on such short notice, but Xisuma’s doing admin stuff on the main island tonight, want to watch the stars?] _

_ [ZombieCleo whispered to Evil_Xisuma and joehillssays: yeah! can i bring cake?] _

_ [joehillssays whispered to Evil_Xisuma and ZombieCleo: Absolutely!] _

_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays and ZombieCleo: I’ll bring the blankets and a present.] _

_ [ZombieCleo whispered to Evil_Xisuma and joehillssays: ooh a present? is it for me?] _

_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays and ZombieCleo: More for Joe, but I think you’ll like it too.] _

_ [ZombieCleo whispered to Evil_Xisuma and joehillssays: :D] _

Ex smiled and carefully packed his poetry journal into the shulker box with the blankets. He’d finished Joe’s poem - it wasn’t like anything else he’d ever written, but he was pretty proud of it. It seemed so much lighter and flowy than the rest of his poetry, and he hoped Joe would like it as much as he did.

Joe met him at his Nether portal. “I heard you had a present for me?”

“You have to wait,” said Ex. “I want to show it to you guys while we’re stargazing.”

“Then let’s go stargaze!”

They hopped through the portal and started making their way to Joe’s hermitage.

“Cleo’s on her way now,” said Joe. “She’ll probably get there a little later, because she’s bringing a cake and she doesn’t want to mess it up.”

As the hermitage came into view, Ex saw a figure standing outside the entrance.

“Or maybe she won’t be late,” said Joe. He waved.

They landed, and Ex put down the shulker box to wave to Cleo. But it wasn’t Cleo that was waiting for them.

"Joe!"

“Xisuma!” Joe exclaimed.

The blood drained from Ex’s face. Xisuma’s eyes locked onto Ex’s. Neither wore their helmet, so Xisuma’s eyes bored directly into Ex’s own. Ex knew what Xisuma was going to do before he did.

In a flash, Xisuma summoned his command screens. Ex closed his eyes and threw up his arms in front of his face like it was a physical blow he could defend against. A swipe of Xisuma’s fingers. Being swept away. Blistering, unbearable heat.

And he opened his eyes.

_ [Banned Evil_Xisuma] _

Ex screamed such a horrible, gut-wrenchingly agonizing scream that nearby ghasts responded as if he were one of their own. He fell to his knees and banged his fists on the ground. Jagged, unweathered Netherrack sliced open the skin of his hands. His blood blended in with the red rock.

He screamed again but choked halfway through, and it turned into a sob instead. Fat, ugly tears rolled down his cheeks. Some gathered at the corners of his lips and others slipped off his chin to mix with his blood on the ground.

Ghasts responded to his scream again, and it was like a victory cry from his prison come to life.

Ex gasped and he sat up suddenly. Joe! He could call Joe!

But as he reached for his communicator, his hand stalled. Something didn’t add up. Joe had assured him that Xisuma was trying to fix a bug or something on the main island. Why had Xisuma been at Joe’s base?

Dread crept in through the back of his mind. An explanation was beginning to unravel - a painful explanation, to be sure, but it was the only reasonable conclusion he could draw.

For whatever reason, Joe had sold him out to Xisuma.

As soon as he thought it, Ex shook his head as though to disperse the thought. What was he thinking? Joe would never do that.

_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: im stuck in the nether and dont know where i am] _

No response. 

He was probably still dealing with Xisuma. It would probably be a while before he would be able to message Ex back.

Ex took stock of himself. His hands were bleeding all along the side with his pinkie fingers where he had slammed them on the ground, and they were starting to sting. His helmet was a few blocks away, laying on the ground. He put it on and immediately began breathing easier.

The terrain around him was definitely unfamiliar. He checked his coordinates and found he was about fifteen hundred blocks from his Nether fortress. Fortunately, he still had all his stuff on him, including his elytra and a decent number of rockets.

He made his way back to his fortress with relative ease and began hunting through his storage for something to wrap his hands with. He found a dirty blue banner and ripped it into strips. He looked around for a bucket of water to clean his hands in before remembering that this was the Nether, and water evaporated there. He settled for wiping his hands on his pants and wrapped them in the ripped up banner.

_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: Can you find a way to unban me soon? I cut my hands and I’m afraid they’re going to get infected if I don’t clean them.] _

Ex put his communicator away for the time being and checked through his inventory.

When he noticed the distinctly empty slot in the top row of his inventory, his heart nearly dropped out of his chest. His poetry book - he’d left it in Joe’s base!

He whipped out his communicator and sent another message. _ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: Even if you can’t unban me soon, can you bring me my poetry book? I left it in your base] _

If his helmet hadn’t been in the way, Ex probably would have started chewing on his nails out of anxiety. He couldn’t bear to lose his book so soon after he’d repaired it.

A day passed.

_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: Can you please bring me my book? It’s the only one I have left. :( ] _

Another day.

_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: Did you and Cleo explain everything to Xisuma?] _

Another day.

_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: Are you coming soon?] _

A week.

_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: I think my hands are starting to heal.] _

_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: Did you finish the hermitage?] _

_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: Get any good paintings lately?] _

Another week.

_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: Please come visit me.] _

_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: I’m lonely.] _

  


Another week.

  
  


_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: Did I do something wrong?] _

  
  
  


Another week.

  
  
  
  


_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: Please talk to me, Joe.] _

  
  
  
  
  
  


_ [Evil_Xisuma whispered to joehillssays: Fine.] _

The ground shook. Chunks of netherrack dislodged from the ceiling. The world was breaking.

He couldn’t bring himself to care.


	6. Chapter 6

He was pretty sure his fortress was breaking. He was pretty sure the  _ world  _ was breaking. The mobs whispered about it in hushed tones outside. If he lifted his head from the wool pile he’d been laying on for the past few days, he could just see the edge of a black void where the world should be. Like when a chunk wouldn’t load, but darker.

He laid his head back down and closed his eyes. It didn’t matter. He was stuck in the Nether no matter what. Death, at least, would be a break from the tedium.

“Evil X.” 

Ex opened his eyes. Xisuma stood at the entrance to his fortress, staring angrily down at him. “What do you think you’re doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Ex asked, with barely enough inflection in his voice to tell it was a question.

“It  _ looks  _ like you’re causing the entire world to glitch. Stop whatever it is you’re doing and put the world back to normal right now.”

“I’m literally doing nothing. And if you don’t mind, I’m going to continue doing nothing.”

Xisuma scowled. “This isn’t funny.”

“I think it’s funny that you’re wasting your time.”

Xisuma punched the wall so hard that the netherbrick cracked. “Stop playing games with me!”

Ex blinked. Slowly, he pulled himself up into a sitting position. “Games?” He stood, hands balled into fists. “ _ Games _ ?”

Xisuma stepped back.

“I can’t believe  _ you _ , of all people—”

“This isn’t about me.”

“It’s  _ always  _ about you! What about your fucking games, huh? What about saying you’d give me a chance! What about banning me for no reason! What about isolating me from everything and everyone and not even bothering with an explanation! What about fucking up my life every time I’m at peace with it! What about  _ that _ , Xisuma!”

Right as he finished shouting, the world convulsed. A huge spire of Netherrack erupted from the ground. It split the floor in half and knocked Ex and Xisuma clean off their feet. Ex hit his head on the wall so hard that he would have been dead if he hadn’t been wearing his helmet.

Xisuma staggered to his feet. “Evil Xisuma, that’s enough!”

“ _ I’m not doing anything! _ ”

A second spire erupted next to Xisuma.

Amidst the cacophony of rocks crashing and the fortress crumbling, fireworks sounded faintly.

“Who else is here?” Ex shouted. “Who else did you bring along to play your games with you?”

“No one is supposed to be here.” Xisuma’s eyes were wide with fear and surprise. “I told everyone to stay together in TFC’s bunker.”

Fireworks sounded again and someone rocketed straight through the entrance of the fortress. If it hadn’t been for Xisuma grabbing their feet as they flew by, they would have rocketed straight into the netherrack spire.

As it was, they just fell flat on their face instead. They groaned and pushed their fiery orange hair out of their face.

“Cleo?”

She looked up. Her nose was at an odd angle—although it wasn’t bleeding—and the thorns from her flower crown had scratched her face.

“H—” she began, but was interrupted by a second person flying into the fortress and running into the back of her head.

“ _ Ow _ ,” groaned the new person, and rolled off of Cleo, holding their head. In the middle of fixing his glasses, he saw Ex and went very, very still.

Ex’s mouth was dry. “Joe?”

“Ex. Howdy. It’s… been a while.”

“A month. It’s been a month.”

“Ah. Right.”

All four of them stood staring at each other, with only falling rocks breaking the silence.

“Alright, I’ve had enough of this,” shouted Cleo suddenly. “You three are causing more trouble than you need to and you’re not even doing it on purpose. Everyone sit down on the floor criss-cross applesauce; if you’re going to behave like children, I’m going to treat you like children.”

Ex, Joe, and Xisuma all stared at her, trying to figure out if she was being serious.

She clapped her hands twice. “Come on, criss-cross applesauce.”

Ex and Joe slowly sat down and crossed their legs. Xisuma was more reluctant. “Cleo, you can’t—”

She crossed her arms and glared at him. “Sit down, Xisuma.”

Xisuma sat.

Cleo uncrossed her arms. “Okay. We’re all going to have a chat, and we’re all actually going to participate. Who wants to go first?” Silence. “Nobody?”

“I can go,” said Joe. “What exactly are we discussing?”

“Why don’t you talk about what’s been going on for the past month?”

“Um. Okay.” He pushed his glasses up his nose and looked down. “Ex got banned. I tried to get Xisuma to unban him, but he wouldn’t listen. I messaged Ex a lot and he didn’t reply. I—”

“Liar,” snarled Ex. “If you’re going to ghost me, the least you can do is not lie about it.”

“I’m  _ not  _ lying.”

“Then why didn’t I get any messages from you? Why didn’t you answer any of the messages I sent you?”

“Ex, I never got any messages from you.”

Ex frowned. “What?”

“I never got any messages from you.”

“But—I sent you so many.” Ex took out his communicator and pulled up all the messages he’d sent in the last month. “See?”

Joe took the communicator from him. “I never got any of these. How…” He scanned the messages. “Wrong? What do you mean, ‘did I do something wrong’?”

Ex hunched his shoulders. “You never answered me. I thought…” He trailed off and shrugged.

“I thought  _ you _ were mad at  _ me  _ because Xisuma caught you. But why did neither of us get these messages?”

“I think this is a good place for Xisuma to take his turn,” interjected Cleo. “Xisuma, if you will?”

Xisuma shifted uncomfortably under three sets of eyes. “I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

Cleo tapped her chin. “I’d recommend you start with the bit about blocking messages and then we’ll work from there.”

Joe’s voice was steely. “Blocking messages?”

“I changed the code so that Evil Xisuma wouldn’t be able to send or receive messages,” said Xisuma, “but it was a safety precaution! Look what happened when he  _ was _ able to send messages!”

“What, how I was able to make a  _ friend _ ? Oh, yeah, that’s real dangerous, right there!”

“You were able to get yourself unbanned!”

“And why did you ban Ex in the first place, Xisuma?” asked Cleo.

“He’s a hazard. Am I the only one who remembers all the times he tried to blow up the server?”

“No,” said Joe, “but you’re the only one who forgets that he apologized and did his best to make up for what he did.”

“You can’t seriously think he was being  _ genuine _ .”

“So, just to clarify: you banned Ex for things he’d done in the past and apologized for? Even though he hadn’t continued to exhibit the same behaviours?” said Cleo.

“Well, yes, but—”

“Okay, I think we’ve heard enough on that subject. Let’s move on. Xisuma, could you be so kind as to remind us how Ex came to be?”

Ex scowled. He hated this story.

“I fell into the Void, and admins aren’t supposed to die in the Void. It resulted in a glitch that produced Ex.”

“Thank you. I’m going to take the floor now, if nobody minds.” She cleared her throat. “My hypothesis is that Ex is an admin without full control of his administrative powers.”

Ex goggled at her. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Think about it, it makes sense. You used to be a part of an admin, why wouldn’t  _ you  _ be an admin?”

“If that’s your only proof, consider me unconvinced,” said Ex.

“Just be patient, there’s more. Everybody knows about the weird chunk errors that have been happening all over the server, right?”

They all nodded.

“Admins are tied to their worlds—their servers reflect their emotions. There’s a reason Xisuma’s always so calm; the server would go haywire if he wasn’t.”

“Are you saying the world is breaking because I’m angry?”

“It’s stopped breaking since you calmed down, hasn’t it?”

She was right. In the time they’d been having their conversation, the world had stopped shaking, and there were no more chunks of Netherrack coming through the floor.

“That would also explain why you end up in the Nether when you get banned. Admins can’t get banned from their own world, so the server decided to do the next closest thing. But there’s only one way to tell for sure, of course.”

“And what’s that?”

“Try opening up your own command screens.”


	7. Chapter 7

Silence. Then Ex turned on his communicator and pulled up the main page.

“This is ridiculous,” said Xisuma, but they all ignored him.

Ex paused, his fingers on the screen. “I don’t know how to turn them on.” He looked expectantly at Xisuma.

“I’m not going to tell you.”

Ex scowled and opened his mouth, but Cleo cut him off. “Just do what feels right.”

Muscle memory. With a muscle he’d never used. Ex closed his eyes and dragged his finger along the screen.

Joe’s gasp made him open his eyes, and when he did, he was greeted by a magnificent sight: three translucent red screens, floating around him and awaiting his orders. They emitted a soft glow, amplified by the darkness of the Nether. 

They were very obviously not Xisuma’s command screens; his were green and had masses of text constantly scrolling across them. Two of these screens were entirely blank. The third one had only a few words on it: _ Welcome, Administrator_.

Quietly. “I’m an admin.” Loudly, disbelieving. “_I’m _an admin?”

“You’re an _ admin_!” exclaimed Joe.

Moving slowly, like he was in a dream, Ex placed his hand on the largest screen. The screen blinked off for a moment and when it blinked back on, the words had changed. _ Welcome, Administrator: Evil_Xisuma_. The words faded away, and new ones replaced them. _ Would you like to view your available commands? _“Yes” appeared on one of the lower screens, and “No” appeared on the other.

He stopped and looked around at the others. Cleo shrugged and made a kind of _ go on, then _gesture with her hand, so Ex laid his palm against the “Yes” screen.

A long list of commands appeared on the largest screen. Ex scrolled through them until he reached the one he was looking for. He selected it. _ /unban _

He finished the command.

_ /unban Evil_Xisuma _

_ Command accepted. Would you like to view your available commands? _

Ex’s communicator dinged at the same time as everyone else’s did. 

_ [Unbanned Evil_Xisuma] _

_ [renthedog says: what??] _

_ [iJevin says: What’s going on?] _

“You can’t do that,” said Xisuma, although he made no move to stop him.

“I could ban you.”

Xisuma _ did _ start towards him at that, but Cleo moved in between the two of them with her hands outstretched.

“No one’s banning anyone,” she said. “Ex, I know you’re beyond angry with Xisuma, and I’m not going to try to convince you not to be. But you can’t ban him. He has a place in this server.” 

She turned towards Xisuma. “Xisuma, your concerns are not unfounded, but you gave Ex a chance to prove himself, and he did. You ignored that. That’s not how an admin should behave. That’s not how a _ leader _should behave.”

Xisuma looked at the ground.

Cleo looked back at Ex. “Ex? You ready to see the rest of the Overworld?”

Ex shoved his communicator back in his pocket. “Hell yeah.”

Joe and Cleo followed him out the door. Cleo stopped at the entrance and said, “Xisuma, I’ll leave it to you to explain everything to the others.”

They left. Xisuma watched them go.

* * *

“I’m… I’m sorry. Cleo’s right, I shouldn’t have banned you.”

Silence.

“You don’t have to forg—”

“Don’t tell me what I do and don’t have to do.” More silence. A sigh. “I accept your apology. I don’t forgive you.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever forgive you.”

“...Okay.”

“Don’t try to make me.”

“I won’t.”

* * *

The grass was soft under his fingers. Joe and Cleo had brought blankets, but Ex liked to feel proof of the world around him whenever he could. He reached up like he could touch the stars as well. “The stars are beautiful.”

“Effervescent,” agreed Cleo.

“Stars light, star bright, first star I see tonight. Wish I may, wish I might have the wish I wish tonight,” said Joe. “I wish for… nothing.”

“Nothing?” asked Ex.

“I like how my life is playing out.”

“Well, I wish for cake,”said Cleo, standing up. “You guys want me to bring you some back?”

“Yes, please,” said Ex.

“Thanks, Cleo.”

“No problem,” she said, and went to go get the cake.

Ex studied the stars then glanced sideways at Joe. “Did you read the poem? When I left my poetry book in the Overworld?”

Joe rolled onto his side. “I did. It was wonderful. I transcribed it onto another paper and hung it up in the hermitage.”

“Did you really?”

Joe nodded. “Thank you for writing it.”

“Thank you for leaving it.”

* * *

_Left behind as an accidental gift _  
_ And a clear sign of something gone amiss. _  
_ A speck of white against a sea of red: _  
_ A secret poem left for dead. _  
_ But it was the start to something new. _

_ A poem starts with a lump in the throat _  
_ Some emotion unnamed _  
_ Untamed _  
_ Askew. _

_ And it takes you on a journey _  
_ To places you never knew _  
_ To homes you never considered homes _  
_ And to wonderful people like you. _

_ A secret poem left for dead— _  
_ Funny; I was, too, _  
_ But my poem didn’t end, my friend _  
_ And for that I say _  
_ Thank you. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thank all of YOU for reading this! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it :D


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